a stupid rant

These days, I have been harboring a lot of thoughts on the pointlessness of life, and the universal truth. The universal truth is a bit nebulous but I will try to explain it. I am pretty sure of the purpose of life, which I got in an epiphany, while waiting for M, in her office, with my eyes perceiving nothing in the waiting room and my ears being treated to some soft, classical music. And the purpose is, to tend to your mind and body. If you think real hard, you will realize that everything you do, I mean everything, is for the sake of your mind and body. If that is the purpose, then life has no meaning. And if life has no purpose or meaning, it is pointless. M agrees to it. So my search for purpose or meaning, might have ended with that flash. But since, I live within my body and mind, I have to take care of them. And so here I am, waiting for M to heal my mind.

A lot of spiritual teachers will tell you that life is a gift and one should make the most of it. I don’t buy that theory. Imagine, someone giving you a gift, and you play with it, take care of it and be with it day in and day out. That is awfully boring. I remember a Japanese toy which was a rage among the kids because they were supposed to be taken care of, like babies. After some time , the kids lost interest in them and guess what happened. The toys died and the kids went back to business as usual.

I believe that there is a universal truth, beyond the pointlessness, purposelessness, meaninglessness of life, in fact, beyond the accident of life itself. This truth is also beyond the context of the humankind. All truths laid down by humankind, stay within the finite set of the human race. No human race, no human truths. I am interested in the truth that decided that the dinosaur project must be terminated, either because the dinosaurs were posing too many problems, or they were beginning to occupy too much space, or perhaps, by the process of evolution, they were beginning to think. Nevertheless, I believe, it was no accident.

M tells me the human brain is layered into the stem or stupid brain, as she cutely puts it, which only knows to respond to stimuli, the feeling layer, the part that deals with the complexity of emotions, the filing layer, the one that deals with memory, another great source of misery, and the thinking layer, perhaps the crown jewel of evolution, but highly misused. M believes that many of my problems are because, my stupid brain is too dominant or animal-like, like a lizard’s, and I should let my responses be filtered, evaluated or analyzed by the thinking layer.

But I believe, my thinking layer, abetted by others’ thinking layers, is causing the most damage to me. If I let my stupid brain do what it does best, that is, respond to stimuli and forget all about it, things would be simpler. Like for example, if you hug me, and my stupid brain hugs you back, and damns the other layers, it is all fine and dandy. But no, it does not end there. Was it appropriate? Was it ethical? And days later, ‘I think she did not like it, so I better hug myself’, and ad nauseum.

And it is the same thinking layer that finds life pointless, and wants to know the universal truth and the same thinking layer, joined by the feeling and filing layers, that made me rant so stupidly. The stupid brain was far away from the scene.

I think, feel and know that the secret to the universal truth lies in the stupid brain.

interesting post on blindness

Here is an interesting post from my favorite blog, Fred’s Head from APH.

Three things Americans should know about blindness

vision simulator

People have often asked me how much and what I can actually see. I try my best to subjectively explain my vision but I am sure I still leave a cloud in the minds of the questioners. I carry with me, simulator glasses which is nothing but a dark, plastic wraparound with pinholes in the center. This does give the sense of the limited peripheral vision I have but completely belies the clarity of vision, which I do not possess.

Lighthouse International in its website, features a low vision simulator that shows how a person with a vision disorder, sees the world. On the web page, for Video, plug in the URL of your favorite YouTube video and for Vision, pick Retinitis Pigmentosa.

While no simulator can accurately simulate what a person with an eye disorder actually sees, it suggests some of the visual problems a person with a vision disorder experiences everyday.
Go ahead and click away at the Vision Simulator.

the notion of self

When I talk about yourself or myself, what exactly is that self I am alluding to? Let me make it clear that I do not wish to wander into the spiritual realm where they refer to the self with so much reverence that they capitalize the ‘s’.
Many think that the closest representation of the self is the face that you look at in the mirror when it comes to you, and it is the face of others that you see when you refer to them. When it comes to others, I might agree to a certain extent but when it comes to myself I disagree for two reasons:

• You are definitely more dimensional than the face you happen to put on.
• It has been a while since I have been able to see the details of my face and honestly, I cannot conjure an image of my current self when I think of or refer to myself. Does that mean I lack a self?

Funnily enough, when I have to think of myself really hard as some old photograph from memory, it is my kindergarten class photo which I do not even possess., but has solidly lodged itself in a deep crevice of my brain(right-side, of course). I look chubbily cute, with slick well-oiled hair, parted on the right and deep, piercing, kohl lined eyes. I am sure, I am nowhere near that image, but wish i still carried that innocence and curiosity.

erik weihenmayer

Some folks have wondered how I can do the little things I do, despite my visual impairment. For the left-brained folks I will try to explain the paradoxes of Retinitis Pigmentosa(RP) in a later blog post.
For now, I want to point out that, my puny achievements pale in comparison to that of Erik Weihenmayer’s. He is the first completely blind person to reach the summit of Mt. Everest, yes, you read it right, in 2001. Time magazine, in the same year, had an article on him aptly titled Blind to Failure. I saw his documentary, Farther Than the Eye Can See, on his historic climb, and could not help sobbing at the end of the film.
Besides being a mountain climber Erik is also a skydiver, marathon runner, long distance biker, skier and rock climber.
To me, he is the epitome of fearlessness, determination and belief in self.
He is an inspiration not only to the visually impaired and blind folks, but also to the normal folks.
When I read about the achievements of such folks I often wonder about what is it beyond vision, that gives them the drive, and wish it could be reduced to a simple formula. Any thoughts on the formula?

loneliness

Loneliness is a very claustrophobic feeling. What worse friend to enjoy the company of. than your mind. What better enemy to grapple with, than your mind.

cooking adventures

Being a food lover, I thought it was only natural for me to try to embark on some cooking adventures. Here are the caveats for every recipe I publish in my blog:

• None of the recipes are my own compositions. I have improvised them to suit my visual impairment.
• All my recipes have been deployed in my kitchen and not in some lab. So, I don’t use weights and measures. The Konkani community in India is a relatively small community, known for its exquisite cuisine. They use what they call Dolya Andoz, meaning, judgement of the eyes. In my case, I use judgement of touch, smell, taste and if you may call it, a sixth sense, developed over many years of being the harshest food critic for my family and friends.
• My recipe may start off being of a certain nationality, but end up being in a totally different country. Remember, it is the mind that discerns countries but the tongue is a universal animal. Besides, during my cooking, I tend to get mischievous.
• I cannot tell you how many people my recipe will serve. I have a simple principle: If there are no leftovers, you either enjoyed the food(please do let me know) or you were hungry. If there are leftovers, you don’t have to cook the next day!

STIR-FRIED SUGAR SNAP PEAS

Ingredients:

• A packet of sugar snap peas, preferably from an Oriental store.
• Olive Oil - I use the light, extra virgin kind(I cannot understand how one can be extra virgin, when one is already virgin - more on that later)
• 1/2 tsp. mustard seeds
• Salt to taste
• A pinch of turmeric powder(optional)
• A pinch of asafoetida powder(optional).
• 1/2 tsp. or more depending on your burn capacity, of red chili powder(optional)

Algorithm:

1. Wash the sugar snap peas.


2. Cut the sugar snap peas into 1 inch long pieces, after cutting the ends and the spinal threads(that is what I call them). I have developed a way of removing those spinal threads. I start with one end, cut it partially and pull the thread off till I reach the other end. I repeat the same with the other end and the second thread. With practice, I have gotten to be good at it and get disappointed when the snap peas turn out to be spineless.


3. Place a deep-dish pan over high heat. Pass your hand over the pan to ensure the stove is on and the pan is well heated.


4. Pour enough olive oil into the pan.


5. When the oil is hot enough, throw in the mustard seeds.


6. Right after the seeds start dancing and sputtering, throw in the cut sugar snap peas.


7. Throw in the remaining spices and using a wooden spoon, vigorously stir-fry the snap peas for a few minutes until you are convinced(somehow) that all the peas are well-oiled.


8. Switch to medium heat and place the lid on the pan. Heat for a few minutes.


9. Take a peek into the pan and do the crunch-test by forking a piece and tasting it. If you are satisfied, turn off the stove and place the pan on a cooler area.


10. Enjoy it as a side-dish or as a quick snack.